Missing Mother on Mother's Day

So, tomorrow is Mother's Day. I am so thankful for my family, and each of my children is so special to me. The only thing that is missing is my mother. I miss her so dearly, and think of her every day. This holiday though, really hurts.

I miss her for so many reasons...some are quite selfish. I hate that she never became a grandmother. I hate that she never got to hold one of my babies. I hate that she can't give me a hug when I've had a bad day. I know she would be giving me tons of parenting advice, and I hate that I can't argue with her on what's right (we're both stubborn). I hate trying to explain to my kids that Mommaw Linda is in heaven...and we can't see her. I hate knowing that they will never miss her because they never knew her. I am so jealous of people who have their mothers to watch their kids....though my mom said she wasn't going to be a babysitter (yeah right...she would've loved every minute of it...especially when she could send them back to me). I hate trying to make sense of everything in my head....why did this happen to her??? I hate that nothing I do can take away the pain.

I loved my mother so much. Even though we fought like cats and dogs when I was a teenager, we really bonded when I went to college. I guess living in the same house with someone so much like yourself can be hard. I used to get on to her for the way she kissed me. It was as if she licked her lips before planting one on me. What I would give to have one of those wet kisses now. If only I hadn't taken things for granted. She always told me how proud she was of me....I just wish she could be here now to tell me I'm a good mother. I know that's crazy, but I still long for her approval.

I know this entry has nothing to do with the kids, but I had to get this down. So everyone who reads this, and your mother is still alive. Give her a kiss and hug. Ask her about her childhood and have her tell you about yours. Mothers are the most wonderful people that God created. Tell yours you love her.